Coping Strategies for Tired Parents

Kids can be a lot of fun, but they also require a lot of work. Especially babies. Having an infant in the house can be overwhelming, and most new parents struggle with the increased demands on their time. Besides learning to change diapers and trying to remember the words to old lullabies, one of the most important skills parents must develop is time-management. Adjusting to a new baby takes much more than just making a list of things to do -- it's a complete change in lifestyle. Don't believe it? When was the last time you were awake at 4 a.m., dancing along to the Barney Bop? Coping with sleep deprivation is a common challenge for new parents, but there are several strategies to help families adjust to their plus-one status.

Bed, Bassinet, or Crib?

One of the first decisions for new parents is where their child will sleep -- and how far they are willing to walk when the child wakes up at night. Some parents make sure Junior sleeps in his own crib, and in his own room. This will instill a sense of personal space, and teach kids that they have their own room for sleeping. However, for this lesson to really sink in, parents must be diligent about putting the child back into his crib after every midnight feeding. An easier approach is to place a bassinet close to the parents' bed. This allows for easier retrieval when the baby stirs at night, and Mom and Dad will eventually become more attuned to the gentle whimpers and sighs that precede waking. With practice, they may be able to feed or change a sleeping baby and everybody can go right back to sleep. Some families choose to bring the kid into the big bed. If the mother is breastfeeding, she can continue to sleep while the baby nurses himself right back to sleep. Babies also enjoy the family coziness, and it's a good opportunity for dads to snuggle, too.

The Third Shift

Babies will always wake up in the middle of the night. It's a fact of life, so get used to it. No matter where the child sleeps, there will be times when he won't go back to dreamland without an extensive ritual that could include anything from gentle rocking to vigorous dancing, total silence or 700 repetitions of the same lullaby. Sleep deprivation is a part of parenting, and it requires cooperation to make sure both partners are getting enough rest. While couples may initially try to solve this problem together, it really only takes one person to comfort the child, so trade off duties at night. If one person is working, recognize that this will likely require functioning at a fixed time in the morning. But that doesn't mean that the other parent is lolling in bed all day, because caring for the unpredictable demands of an infant is extremely demanding. So, make sure you get enough rest the night before a big meeting, but be willing to take over the role of prime parent as soon as you get home. Flexibility and teamwork is the key to making this work.

Build Good Sleep Habits

Simple rule: if the baby is sleeping, you can sleep too. So start teaching good sleep habits from the start. After nine months in the dark, kids don't initially understand the difference between night and day, between play time and rest time. It's important to create a consistent schedule, so the child learns that it's time to settle down once the sun goes away. Try to dim the lights, turn down the music and begin the bedtime ritual at about the same time every evening. Babies like routines, and can quickly realize that bath time is always followed by a feeding, a picture book and finally bedtime. Once the child starts to learn how to sleep, the parents can start to reclaim some of their own personal time at night.

Get Professional Help

It was hard enough to keep the house clean before the baby was born; now that she's arrived it's just about impossible. So stop stressing about not being able to accomplish the impossible. It's important to recognize that energy is a finite resource, and if it's all directed at caring for the child, there isn't much left to use dusting the top of the refrigerator. So don't worry if the dishes stay in the sink for three days, or if the laundry is piling up, or if the bed hasn't been made in more than a week. This is a great time to sign up with a cleaning service, and start collecting menus from local restaurants that deliver. If friends and relatives offer to help, ask them to bring over a meal and insist on keeping the leftovers for the next day's lunch. There's a whole lifetime to do chores, but there's only a few brief months to watch the baby spit up formula.

Mechanical Aids

There's nothing wrong with using mechanical help to induce sleep. Rhythmic motion is extremely relaxing for babies. You can relax and read in bed while gently pushing a cradle back and forth with your foot. No home is complete without a baby swing, with either a battery-powered or wind-up motor to keep the seat moving. The back-and-forth motion is almost certain to bring on drowsiness or sleep, but since parents should never leave kids unattended in a swing, it's better for nap time than bedtime. And on those occasional nights when she just won't go back to sleep, a midnight drive is certain to do the trick. You'd be surprised how many other beleaguered parents you'll see heading for the all-night convenience store.

The best way to survive this difficult, but temporary, period is to follow the baby's cues. Sleep when the baby sleeps, cry when the baby cries. And don't forget to laugh when the baby laughs.